Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in Zandee Fiction's LiveJournal:

Saturday, September 11th, 2004
12:06 am	Admition of fear... She sat on the trunk of the car. She was scared. No, scared was not the right word for it. She was nervous, frightened, hopeful, and she wanted. Whatever the right word was it was a mix of nausea and ecstasy. It was everything at the same moment. He took a long drag off of his cigarette. His blue eyes peered at her. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking. That was not strange. She rarely could read all of his thoughts. She knew him well enough to know that he was focused on the situation at hand. ( “Is there anything you want to talk about?” ) Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Friday, July 9th, 2004
1:10 am	Roadmaps along the way... The steering wheel was solid under her hands. She held tight to it, her pulse quickening a little. Games were easy with him. It was the honesty that was the real problem. No matter how much she wanted to explain everything to him, she could not. It was all there. Some how though it was always locked on the tip of her tongue just beyond her. ( “Why haven’t you dated since we broke up?” ) Current Mood: accomplished (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
2:39 am	Requiem of Lonliness Her bed was too big now. She couldn't help but notice all the empty space on the left side. She didn't want to think about where he was sleeping or with who. She didn't want to think about the way he was probably holding someone. She didn't want to think about his smell. She didn't want to think about alot of things, but she was. She couldn't get the images out of her head. ( The music wasn't helping.  ) Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Carve Your Heart - Dashboard Confessional (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 15th, 2004
10:40 pm	Daydreams Nicole was bored. No, not just bored. She was out of her mind bored. The teacher was droning on about the next assignment. She was supposed to be paying attention too, but her mind kept venturing back to lunch. She was trying to pay attention, but no matter how many times she repeated it she just couldn't convince herself. “Who do you think the demographic for this site?” She looked up. This would be an easy answer and it would give her class participation for the day. “I would say they would be reaching anywhere from 17 to early 30s.” she said. “Why would you say that?” the teacher questioned her. “Seventeen is when most teenagers go through there ‘I want save the world phase.’ Twenties is the ‘I am up and coming I am aware of the world.’ And early thirties is ‘I have money and want to help’ phase.” With her voice heard she at least felt like she was trying to pay attention. Nicole knew better. She wasn’t really trying to pay attention. She wanted to be back at her house hanging out with Garrett and her sister. It was driving her nuts that her sister had come into town to spend time with her and she was forced to go to class. She was also a little anxious to get home to hangout with Garret, even though she would never tell anyone that. She still found him to be one of the most amazing human she ever knew. She also had to admit to herself that he was extremely attractive. Even if she wanted to say it was all about his mind and his soul, it was also about his body. She couldn’t deny the way her body reacted to his when he did certain things. He would change his shirt in front of her without thinking about it and she would always catch a small glimpse here and there. She couldn’t help but admire his build. He was thin, but very athletic. She was firm, but still very agile. He was her version of the perfect male specimen. She came out of her internal world to notice that the teacher was trying to show the class other sites where people were trying to get donations. She stared at the website on the screen in front of the class. She didn’t want to be here, but she was and she had to pay attention. Well she would atleast try harder now. Current Mood: sick (Comment on this)
12:47 pm	Morning Sweet Boy "I am stuck in between realms right now." She did not know how to tell the difference from the world she was in and the one she wanted to be in anymore. The thoughts, feelings, and events were all beginning to mesh together. She knew she did not really get a choice in which world to exist in. She knew that one of them she was tied to without anyway to escape and the other was merely a place she got to visit. Her mind refused to let go of the other reality. "I am stuck in between the dream and here." She tried to explain to him her voice barely over a whisper. But which one was the dream. Is it the one where he was different. Where even is name was not the same? She did not know what to make of it all. They were similar but she knew they were two completely different people, but the same all at the same time. She was lost. She needed to find her way back to this world. She did not want to come back to this one. Things were complicated here. She always had to second guess how people felt, what they said, and how much to let them in. She did not like being so gaurded with people. She didn't like having to wall herself in to protect her heart. And more then that she did not like feeling gaurded where he was concerned. In the other realm, she did not have to be. The person waiting for her on the other side knew her. They shared themselves freely and without the conflicting emotions. She knew where she stood with him. She knew how he felt about her and more then that she knew how she felt about him. But this realm was different, but like that one the same. She too in this world knew how he felt. She also knew how she felt. It was a shame that they did not agree. It was a shame that on this one thing they still did not see eye to eye on. The only reason she pulled herself out of the other realm is because in this one he was real. She knew Garret was a part of her. She knew Garret was a way for her to find some peace or release from this realm. But she also knew that Garret would fade with time. He would cease to exist as soon as she could move on. So she would abandon her world where things were controlled. She did not want that safety net right now. She wanted to be awake and planted in this realm. She wanted to let go of that part of her. "Are you sure your okay over there?" His voice punched into her thoughts like it always did. She looked up into his slate blue eyes. They were the reason she would not escape into the other realm again. Because she saw the concern behind the eyes. She knows how he feels. She knows how she feels, but she also knows how it is different when he isn't there. So she pulled her self out of her world, and began to rub her eyes. Current Mood: awake Current Music: Trip Like I Do-The Crystal Method-Vegas (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 11th, 2004
1:11 am	Walk through the park... part one She could tell Garret needed to talk to someone. She also knew what was on his mind. She was not thrilled at the idea of helping him with this, but she was his friend so what could she do. ( What are you thinking about? ) Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Monday, May 10th, 2004
10:03 am	Friends list She couldn’t change things now. All she could do was ride out the rest of the storm and wait for the calm. She knew that everything happening was her fault. More then that she knew everything was working out the way it should. She just didn’t know when she got into this that she would lose her heart in the process. It didn’t really matter if he had won her heart; she hadn’t won his. She sat in her room staring at the computer waiting for something. She wasn’t sure what she was waiting on anymore. All she knew is staring at his name in her messaging screen was driving her crazy. He wasn’t on right now. The little status under his name read: “idle (90h 16m).” He was probably sleeping and dreaming of her, the one who did have his heart. She knew she should be sleeping. It was long after midnight and the morning was coming quickly, but her body could recall how his felt in her bed and that made it difficult. So she opted to stay awake staring at his name instead. In her mind she could see him sleeping with the sheets half thrown across his body to keep the chill of the window off of him just enough. She could see the faces he made in his sleep. She could see his cherub lips curled up in the corners as he snuggled into his pillow. She knew his face. But more then his face she knew his heart and that is what made all of this difficult. So she stared at the forth name on her list of friends. Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 9th, 2004
4:13 am	The Ride The ride back to the apartment felt different. She didn’t know exactly when she noticed the change in the vibe. She just knew that she felt it. It was the indefinable thing that faded the night they called off the relationship. For the first time since that night she felt the connection. The only song on the CD she wanted to listen to was coming to an end and she turned over control to her copilot. He always seemed to pick music that talked to her soul and she wanted to her what he would say through the songs tonight. When I was young and knew everything And she a punk who rarely ever took advice The soft sounds of the male voice began to fill the car. But it wasn’t the voice from the speakers she was listening to. She could hear him just barely over the radio. She enjoyed listening to him sing. It wasn’t that he was particularly good at it. It wasn’t even that he was projecting particularly well. It was that his voice was something she enjoyed about him. It was the way he could hit the notes and it sounded less like he was repeating the words, but that he felt the emotions that went into each lyric. She steered the car down the street and back towards the apartment they seemed to be sharing at the moment. He wasn’t her roommate and he wasn’t with her anymore. He was however a permanent houseguest and she didn’t mind it. It was weird but still fairly comforting waking up and have him around. So she completed the turn that would put her in the apartment complex and sighed at the idea of getting out of the car. She wasn’t ready to give up on the connection again. She wasn’t ready for the longing, the acute sense of loss to come back. So she passed her turn and made her way out the back of the complex. She turned to look at her co-pilot. His faced showed signs of questioning. She didn’t know how to give him the answers he was looking for in her face, but it was clear that he didn’t need them. He could tell she wasn’t ready to be a part of the world yet. He was fine with riding. And once again she appreciated the fact that he never seemed to push her. He just let her exist in the only way she knew how. He didn’t try to put her into a mold. He didn’t try to put false illusions on her. More then that he didn’t see the mask and believe it. He could see the real her under it all. He turned back to the window, his voice still a constant. She allowed her mind to wonder to where ever it wanted to. For right now, it was just the two of them. She didn’t have to think about what had happened, about a lost relationship, about a present that seemed to drag on, about a friendship that seemed to be drowning, about a future that was blank. She would only focus on the road and his voice. She would listen to the emotions behind his voice that soft tenor which held so much for her. In this moment it was just the two of them. In this moment she could feel peace again and not think about the loss. Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 4th, 2004
2:20 am	Packless This is based on true events for the most part. All of the characters are copyrighted to me. Do not steal my stuff.... ( The Prologue ) Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)